Dear fellow Treo Enthusiasts:
First of all, I’m glad to say that my articles on the
Palm Treo 650/Sprint/GoodLink connectivity solution have been submitted and the first of which should appear this weekend at
TheLaw.com - interested parties, most especially litigation and practice support managers, can read up on this Treo-Legal solution.
Second, I did not hear back from Palm regarding my inquiries.
Not unexpected. When I called Palm on Thursday morning and told them that I represented a group interested in buying roughly 2,500 Treos, I was told to leave my name and number and that someone would call me back… “probably some time next week.” Calling back yielded a similar response. The Sprint people are scrambling but I was told that there has been no training for any Palm based device, nor on Verizon either. People tell me this means usually a month lead time until any potential release. The only people who MIGHT be able to obtain SOME good information are managers with large corporate accounts who have authorized account managers. Unless this has been one very well kept secret, we may not see a Palm-based Treo for a while, especially not on Verizon which reportedly puts its phones through testing for far longer than any other carrier.
Third, regarding my original post concerning the Treo 800p, let us start right from the beginning:
After spending a day at LegalTech and hearing Palm/Sprint pump the Treo 650 (can you also say no WiFi and 1XRTT data access, almost $50/mo. on Verizon?) I was nauseous. I can’t begin to tell you how many 650 owners saw my Treo in its
zcover and kept asking me whether it was the “new palm phone.” I'll confess, after a while I had a little fun and using the rumored, idiotic 700p specifications I read about here and thus, the "new" Palm phone had made it to the market! On Wednesday morning I logged into Treocentral with fresh memories of
JackNaylor’s literary masterpiece that ridiculously fooled some and the latest rumors of the 700p - now absurdly
upgraded to the 750p - and decided to comment. My ensuing post
was not, is not and never has been a “hoax” - n – (h ks) - “An act intended to deceive or trick.”
Soon after my initial post I noticed that my three fellow treophiles laughed this off and made the obvious connections. I left TreoCentral to start my day, figuring this post would run its course, never suspecting that
anyone would take the news with any significant degree of seriousness, especially after reading the last paragraph – which most of you (including the news reporters)
didn’t even bother to read. Virtually all
eyes glazed over in feverish glee after reading the same absurd “specifications” lusted after here dozens of times before in the “Silly Season Section” aka “Future Treos” with the exception of the 3.2 MP camera (I thought that clearly went too far.) Now after reading my post again in its entirety,
for the love of G-d and remedial math, what are the chances that
any of the following would actually occur in reality?
- (a) Palm, which released the same 32MB of RAM in its devices for the past 3 Treos for the past 3 YEARS and one less than a month ago, would release a device with (i) quadruple the RAM, (ii) all those high end features, and (iii) for under $600? Palm’s well known long time mantra is “last year’s technology at next year’s prices”;
- (b) A Palm enthusiast with the hottest and most anticipated new gadget would have his entire showcase performance consist of a bare connection to WiFi, EVDO and the grand finale… a Shakespeare e-book???? Could this even get more lame??? Doubtful;
- (c) Of all the non sequitirs to awkwardly force into the final paragraph, Joe Cool Palm felt a compelling need to inform us that he’s a Shakespeare buff (???), that he’d happen to actually whip out a copy of “Julius Caesar” for, well, no reason at all, (???) and to boot, he’d also provide a release date of March 15 (???);
- (d) As ricochet pointed out, in a room full of rabid, foaming at the mouth mobile phone enthusiasts, would this joker be left alive after showing us what really amounts to…. well… practically nothing? Not a scintilla about the all important Palm OS? The applications on the phone? How about the appearance? All you got were “ticky tack keys”, “smaller and thinner” and “Motorola slick” adjectives and an “enhanced” 320x320 screen that rendered text beautifully.
ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME??? This isn’t a hoax, it’s a
FARCE - n - (färs) - “A light dramatic work in which highly improbable plot situations, exaggerated characters, and often slapstick elements are used for humorous effect”
see also “A ludicrous, empty show; a mockery.” But hey, let’s kick in a few more subtleties for effect. For everyone not familiar with TOEFL, does the Palm rep’s release revelation sound “naturally smooth” or “awkwardly stilted?” “Be aware of March 15.” Does
anyone talk that way? I asked 2 friends and my brother if they could name any line from Caesar and they both came up with “Et Tu Brute” and the infamous line “Beware the Ides of March.” Better yet, how about the glorious e-book that was “rendering just beautifully” - are you drooling Treophiles viewing
mere e-book text or cinematography by Pixar? What about the absurd comparison of Treo RAM for Palm OS and WM devices that has obviously
never been an issue in any way??
Well, I logged in a few hours later to discover that not only had most people neglected to read the whole post, but that multitudes of wild speculation and comparisons led to “reputable web sites” reporting the possible confirmation of the Treo 800p. Some sites even publicized the “Ides of March” reference but didn’t bother to mention that my original post contained
an absurd, out of place and direct reference to Will and Julius. Originally I was debating adding “Turbo” to the 800p, perhaps only that razor thin subtlety that would have instantly made this tale jump from teetering on the absurd to being far too preposterous to be believed.
I was about to take measures to ensure that the madness didn’t go any further… and then it dawned on me. Actually, it was more of a vision that came in the form of Obi-Wan-Kenobi (the old geyser, not the young, wanna-be-hip and kid friendly eunuch) who said that I should
"use the force for good and not evil.” He spoke unto thee: “Shake the tree of life hard enough and fruit might fall.” In fact,
a number of you expressed the same sagacious wisdom. So thus, my fellow treophiles, in my best impression of Bill Murray in an Oscar Winning Performance,
I did practically nothing with my conductor’s baton but let the world around me fervently shake that Treo Tree like King Kong. Tens of thousands of page views in record time here alone (I’m hoping that TC will award me with a store discount, lol.
) plus all over the globe. It did yield some useful information, including an
alleged confirmation by a Sprint customer support rep of testing for the Treo 800p (How many sales reps does it take to screw in a light bulb?) and who knows what people may have been able to extract from their corporate reps, putting a little squeeze on them, implying that they might not buy WM phones due to the imminent release of the 800p as reported everywhere…
Personally, I've learned a great deal from all of this including the fact that my MBA studies never covered this phenomenon of consumer behavior. I've begun to believe that throwing out fairy dust with some aggressive specifications of a new phone are enough to make people lose their mind and believe their dreams are coming true. Read the hordes of people trying to interpret Colligan's every word to the public as if he was intent on sending out subliminal messages and not at all distracted with his real problem when he was speaking, that being finding the nearest mens room because he really had to pee (as in 800p.) Remember what happened in the late 90s. This kind of manic and nonsensical optimism is rampant on ebay, with hordes of people somehow believing that
for some reason there is a person is willing to just give away a $20 bill for a tenner. Anyone up for just a MODICUM of substance?
So in conclusion, I’d like to thank the Academy, the smart people here who had a blast, my fellow Treophiles near and far for shaking the trees in the avaricious corporate forest, my parents and extended family, my bail bondsman, and all the girls I’ve loved before. Reading this thread and the places it has traversed has probably provided us with a lot of good laughs -- so everyone, let us all laugh together. May this ultimate farce put some perspective on “silly season” and let us usher in a new era of peace, love, understanding and the joys of WiFi to all Treokind. In fact, this thread seems to have prompted the
sighting of an actual 700p!!! RUN!!!!! Pictures to come shortly after Photoshop!!!
Peace and love to you all.
(BANNED!) Press Release: Palm Treo 800p
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